French Toast and Love...the real stuff

                                                                                                                                                          I love my mom. She's never been an overly affectionate person and I used to struggle when I was young with whether or not she did love me, because I am an affectionate person. I love hugs and kisses and love to be told that someone loves me. But my mom wasn't like that. I figured she did...I mean she had to, right? She was my mom.

But there were little things... when she was a single mom and struggling to make ends meet, she made a point every Friday night to take my brother and I someplace special...out to dinner, to Chucky Cheeses', the roller rink... And while we never had a lot, she always made sure we had what we needed. We had a small two bedroom apartment and she gave my brother and I our own rooms and she slept on a sleeper sofa. And she always came to everything we did...no matter how small. And even if she was mad or disappointed...she was always the first to go to bat for us.

I think though, I didn't really realize it til I was older and had a child of my own. Let me regress for a minute...my brother and I LOVED french toast growing up. But mom never made it. So, my brother and I found a cookbook and taught ourselves how to make it. We loved making it Saturday mornings. And we made it a lot. One Mother's Day, we decided to make Mom french toast. We usually made her breakfast in bed every year for Mother's Day. She ate it up. She said how great it was. So, being kids,we made it for her every year for the next five or so years.

Fast Forward....years, at least a decade, later...I had met my mom in Texarkana to pick up my daughter who had spent a week with her in Tennessee. We didn't get in till late and we decided to head over to the IHOP next to the hotel. I decided at 12am, I wanted french toast. My mom said "I hate french toast". I stopped and said..."Really? Since when?" She told me she had never liked it. Well, even my tired brain registered something...I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So I turned to her and asked "What about all those breakfasts Chuck and I made you!!!? We made you french toast,like 5 years in a row...?!?!" She just looked me in the eye, smiled, and simply said "I know".

Even now, as I write this, there are tears in my eyes. I think then, it all hit me...that's what love is. That is what being a mom is all about. Some many days, we get so wrapped up in day to day things that we forget about the french toast. We didn't have any money, but my brother an I wanted to show mom we loved her. And all those years later, I realized how much she was showing us right back.

So I strive daily on being sure I "eat the french toast". That my daughters know all those little things I try to do for them, that's love...that's the real stuff.

Watching out for Number One

The hardest thing for a mom to do is to put herself first, but it's even harder for a single mom. And I'm not talking about being selfish, just taking care of yourself. Your most powerful asset is YOU. It's not your house. It's not your car. It's not your job or career. It's not even your kids. The best thing you have going for you is YOU.

Being a single mom, there are going to be times when you definatly do not feel that way. You will be tired, overworked, underappreciated, broke, depressed...any number of things. Now I don't say that to get you down. I say that so you can understand that except for death...all things are temporary.

Now, you are going to have tough times, some tougher than others. But that's life and that would happen if you are married or single. It's not a matter of what happens, it's how you handle it.

First, sleep is your best friend. Now, I understand that doing everything on your own you may be thinking "Sleep? What's that?" I promise you have have asked myself that question many times. But the first step to taking care of yourself is to get plenty of sleep. Skip the evening news. Grab take out for dinner to give you extra time for getting things done so you are not up all night. Find whatever you can to help make things more efficiant for you and your schedule, giving you more time for sleep.

Number two, eat right. Now, I'm not talking total healthfood guru here. What I'm saying is garbage in/garbage out. Now, don't get me wrong. I love fast food. But I also know that if I eat too much of it, it's messes up my system and generally makes me feel yucky. And be sure you eat a good breakfast. We tell our kids to eat a healthy breakfast but we seldom do it ourselves, always being on the go. Just eat sensibly and remember that M&M's in your desk drawer do not constitute a good lunch.

Third, SPLURGE. It's very hard, when we are watching our every dime, to splurge. Especially on ourselves. But as a rule, once a month at least, you need to spend something on you. This has always been the hardest thing for me. I always try to splurge on my kids if I can. But not myself. And it doesn't have to be something big. Go get your hair done. Get a massage. Get a mani/pedi. Go get yourself a new outfit, pair of shoes, or just a new blouse. Or, for low cost...treat yourself to a Starbucks coffee or an ice cream sundae.

So, remember, you have to take care of YOU before you can take care of others. If you are not taken care of, you won't be any good to anyone, even yourself, after a while. It's an old adage, but very true, especially for single mom's, You've Got To Watch Out For Number One!