Happy Medium

Why is it that the happy medium is so hard to find?

In a perfect world, I would tell my child to do something and she would say "Yes,ma'am" and comply without grumbling and stomping off.

This is not a perfect world.

In my world, this is what happens...

Me: "K, go take a bath."

K: "Hang on"

Me: "No, not hang on. NOW"

K: "Okay"

5 minutes later

Me:" K, I said NOW"

K:"I'm going"

10 minutes later

Me: "GO TAKE A BATH NOW!"

K:"I'm going mom..." stomping and sulking at the same time (which boggles my mind) and watching TV as she walks to the end of the couch.

Me: "Ok, TV OFF. BATH NOW" steam is starting to come out of my ears and my blood pressure (which is usually normal) starts raising

K: "I said I'm going, mom. M. COME ON MOM SAID NOW."

Me: "Don't yell at your sister!"

M:"MOMMEEEEEEE!!! SISSY L-L-Lelllin MEEEEE WAAAAHHHHH"

Me: "K, APOLOGIZE to your sister, M, go with Sissy to take a bath, K, if you don't getchurbuttinthebathtub urgonnabegroundedfortherestofyourlife!!" (And that is how it really comes out!)

Now it is 30-45 minutes after the first time I said to get in the bath and she has the AUDACITY to look at me and say.....

Are you ready for this......

This is why I write, so my kids can still live....

K:"Why are you mad?"

My Kind of Doctor

I had this sent to me and I had to share it...

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many  beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.  Want to live longer?  Take a  nap.  

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?  Hay and corn.  And what are these?  Vegetables.  So, a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).   And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?  
A:  No, not at all.  Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.  Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
 
Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?  
A:  YOU'RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! .....  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.  In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?  

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.  You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.  

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  
A:  Are you crazy?  HELLO!?!  Cocoa beans!  Another vegetable!!!  It's the best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  
A:  If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q:  Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?  
A:  Hey, 'Round' IS a shape!  

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO!!  What a ride!!'    

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.  

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.  

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

A little help here...please!!!

Ok so this is different than my last wild eyed, sobbing request for help. I am starting a blog on Today.com about parenting. No, thank goodness, not as an expert!!! I would like some topics/questions that anyone would like to see in a topic/blog/article. My topics are: single parenting, money management, feeding the family (recipes would be awesome), technology, christian parenting, eduacation, travel, chores, and discepline. Any thoughts and ideas/questions about any of these catagories is welcome. Or, suggest your own. Still in the beginnong stages. Will post when it's up ang going good. Thanks girls!!

Elementary, My Dear Watson

Ok, So I have done some deep breathing exercises and calmed my self down from the washing machine fiasco. I took all of your comments and read them one by one and I do appreciate the advice given by all. These are my conclusions...

Children should have chores. Now, my daughter thinks she does "everything" and that  I do not do anything. I have to laugh to myself and try really hard not to laugh out loud when she says this. So I scaled down her chores. A LOT. Then, I made her a nice, neat little chore chart and hung it on the fridge. Then I made myself one. (mine is 15 pages long) So now she doesn't complain about her chores. Much.

Children are not adults. I have to remember that as smart and mature that she is, she is not my little buddy. She is not there for me to dump all my issues on good or bad. That is what my adult friends are for. So now, even when she is dying to know why I am  ticked off or anything like that, I give her just what she needs to know. I let her talk about HER and HER problems and HER friends.

Children need a creative outlet. Now most times in the past, I have not enrolled my child in extracurricular activities just because of money. But I found one recently and got her enrolled in the Creighten Kids Theatre group. She is learning theatre and has a great outlet for the Drama Queen in her. She was already in Honor Choir, but that is a school activity and she needed something away from school.

Children need time with you. I understand not having enough hours in the day. But sometimes, you have to ignore the dishes in the sink or the laundry on the floor and just sit down, eat nothing but junk, veg and watch a movie with the kids. It's that simple. She's been begging me to spend more time with her so I am making an honest effort to do just that. We have appetizer and Movie night on Friday nights.

Children need structure. Now me, I HAVE to have a schedule. I like to know what I am doing when I am doing it and what time I will be done doing it. Kids are the same way. Bedtime should be strict. Schedules should me made. No, I'm not talking boot camp. Just some very simple consistancy. And that goes right along with discipline. It has to be consistant.

For what it is worth, these are my conclusions. I hope they help someone and I hope to continue in my learning. It's not perfect, but it's getting better and that's all that I need for now...Good luck in your growing and never forget that we are growing right along with our kids.

WHY???? SOMEONE HELP PLEASE!!!

I wonder pretty often how I stay sane. I try my hardest to be a good mom. And it's not east doing it alone. My husband tries to do what he can, but being locked up, it's not like he's here to enforce anything and my oldest knows that. She's a smart one. She's a carbon copy of me but at the same time, she has a lot of her father's tendencies as well. Not the bad stuff, just the really annoying things. And I think annoying is just putting in nicely. There are things she does that drive me absolutly mad.

Now the mouth, she got that from me and I know it. I'll own up to that. And the looks. You know the ones I mean...the ones your teenager give you when you tell her she can't date that boy or she can't wear make-up yet. Unfortunatly, mine is only nine. I wonder sometimes if it's the kids at school that she learned that from, if it's just heredity, or if it's just something that's in the female DNA. Either way, if she makes it to 16 at this point I'll be really surprised.

I've tried many things;grounding, spanking, taking away her TV or MP3 player, and even just talking to her and trying to reason with her. But it's certain things that I just don't get. I'll give you an example...tonight she was helping me get her sister in bed and the baby had a bought of the runs that got all over my bed. I asked her to put my sheets in the washer. She knows how to do laundry. She has known for years. So she finally (after telling her 3 times) puts the sheets in the washer. I'm sitting here in my office preparing for work tomorrow and I notice the dryer isn't running which is odd because my clothes for work tomorrow were in the washer. So I asked if she had put the sheets in there with my clothes (that had already been washed and were ready to dry). She says "No, Mom" in that "I'm not an idiot" tone I love so much. So I get up to go check and she is hurridly putting my clothes (soapy and sopping wet) in the dryer on top of the already dry clothes. So I get mad because she lied in the first place and then because it was sheer laziness that made her do it in the first place. I tell her, no, you have to rewash those, they have soap in them. So she then puts EVERYTHING (unbeknownst to me) in the washer (along with my 3 inch thick mattress topper). So I am sitting at my desk again and I smell burning....hmmmm, what is that? I go check the washer and it is stopped and whining and SMOKING. Luckily...I just had to reset it from being off balance and I caught it before the motor blew out. But OMG!!!! Was I mad.

Now, my daughter is no where near stupid. She was IQ tested and scored at the genius level. SO my question is this...What the heck is going on???? Is it just laziness? Or is it something deeper like my husband (who also has an annoyingly high IQ) where she seriously has no common sense ans does not compute simple physics where every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Or, is she so smart that she figures if she does something the wrong way enough times I just won't ask her to do anything. Alot of times I will just get so aggrivated that I'll just do it myself.

Does anyone else have this problem? I mean seriously....what is the deal? I would LOVE any advice I can get on this one because frankly, I am stumped and I'm afraid of seriously losing my mind. So please...ANYONE.....HELP!!!

Nuts

Forrest Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get" Truer words have never been spoken. But my box of chocolates must be from the "Chock-ful-of-nuts" brand. Seriously. I have more craziness and nuttiness than a normal person I think. The weirdest things happen on a daily basis.

First, I am a Vacation Counselor. In layman's terms, I sell time shares. Now, before you get all judgemental on me, we are not one of those stereo-typpical companies who trap you and hound you til you buy something. I wouldn't work there if we did. And we offer great prizes to get people to come out. But the people I meet on a day to day basis really make me question the sanity of the general public. We see people of every race, creed, color, and socio-econimic background. But all of that aside, some people are really odd.

We sell a product that offers more than a typical timeshare. Basically, we sell quality time. Our program offers more than just a week a year. But it never ceases to amaze me when I have a couple in front of me who says they work all the time and want to do more with their family and  then....don't.

Or the guy who told me one time that he never spent any time with his kids, but he gave them money instead and told me " I think I'm a great father".

And I'm not talking about making a sale, there are millions of things you can do with your kids that don't cost anything if money is an issue. But I find more than anything that people just don't make the time. And that, my friends, puzzles me.

But in talking to these people, I really feel that people don't know how to spend time together. How is it that people don't know how to enjoy life anymore? I understand working hard. I understand bills and stress and all the pressures of life. But what ever happened to the little things? What ever happened to stopping and smelling the roses? How is it that a world so technilogically evolved can miss the simplicity.

You know, I had an algebra teaher in 9 th grade that I didn't especailly like. But she always told us that acronym K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid (we won't get into the side effects of calling your students stupid) But I have found that through all of the knowledge gained in life, people forget the simplicity of it. People tease me about being so "simple-minded". Me finding joy in the silly, trivial things. But let me tell you now....nothing is trivial.

 Think about this, when someone dies that is close to you, what do you remember about them? Yeah, you'll remember if they were a hard worker or if they were a good provider. But 9 times out of 10, you'll remember the little things. I lost both of my Grandpas last year. Both of them were the kind of men people used as examples of how to be a better person. Both of them were heroes. One, never said a cuss word in his entire life. Used  farming to teach his 3 sons about life. He smoked a pipe as long as I can remember. I love that smell. I love the fact that no matter how much older he got, he still played ball with us. And he always called me Pretty Girl. Even when he was riddled with dementia/alzhimers and had no clue that I was his only granddaughter, he still called me Pretty Girl. The other was a force to be reckoned with. A powerful man. A Marine. A teacher. A leader. He loved flowers. Loved to make things beautiful. Every year he planted bluebonnets down the street for everyone to enjoy. He knew every child and every grandchilds favorite treats. And when you came to visit, it was well in stock. He'd give you his last dime. I remember him coming to visit me in Austin and we went to Wendy's to eat lunch. On our way out, there was a man. Everyone passed him by. He was old, a vet. He was dirty and unshaven. But he was humble and quiet. We walked out to the car and my Grandpa handed me some money to go buy the man some food. So I stopped and asked what he would like. He said "I just wanted someplace to sit where it's warm. They won't let me sit there if I don't buy something. I'd like some coffee please." I told him I'd  get him some coffee and some food. When I came out, my grandpa was there talking to the man. Just like he's known him forever. He was like that. Would talk to anyone like they were someone.

Both of them were all about family. Family was your life. And you supported your family, whether it was through the hard times or a piano recital. But in those little things, those are what make you who you are. Those are the things that make life worth while.

So, I guess what I'm saying is as crazy as things get, I love my box of chocolates....nuts and all.