Missing Someone

I heard it said once that the hardest way to miss someone is when you are sitting right beside them.

This is how I feel when I go visit my husband. Sitting two feet away and seperated by an inch of glass. You want to reach out and touch him but you can't. You can't feel the warmth of his skin against yours. You cannot hug or kiss him.

You can talk about everything going on but you cannot comfort eachother. You can talk and talk, for two hours. Of course my visits are often interrupted by our daughters both wanting to talk to their daddy.

They can't touch him either.

I miss my husband. Not just an i-wish-you-were-here kind of missing. I miss him like the flowers missing the sun in the winter time. Or like the desert misses the rain.

And it's not just him I miss. It's his ways. The things he does. How he goes out of his way to make sure I have everything I need. Funny thing is, the thing I need most right now is him. I can survive without him. I have proven that time and again, I just don't want to.

So for now, I will miss him and strengthen what we can of our marriage from here.

In 15 days, we'll have been married for 10 years. And I miss him still.

Old World Views?

I've never really considered myself old fashioned, but I guess I kinda am. But with a modern twist. I believe that then man is the head of the house. But I also believe in sharing decisions. My husband has never been one of those what-I -say-goes kind of men. He has always given me the respect to talk to me about any decision and I give him the same. But ultimatly, I give him the final say. 9.9 times out of 10 it is what we both agree on.

I guess what really throws me is that other people don't see things that way and I know that people have different opinions and that is okay. But let me give you an example...my husband is not with me right now but I tell him everything. Just like he was here. A week and a half ago, there was a murder at my job. After hours and I was not there anyway because my child was sick. But I was telling my friend that I was going to find another job, not just because of that-there are other circumstances, but that when I told my husband, he would make me quit anyway. Maybe "make" is not the right word, but he would not want me there and I am not going to do anything that he is not confortable with. We both agreed to that years ago. The friend I was talking to was seriously befuddled. "Why do you have to tell him?" she asked. "Because I don't keep things from my husband. And I would rather him hear it from me" was my response.

All I got was silence. She seemed clearly lost. This girl is 25 and on her 3rd marriage. In 22 days, I will celebrate my 10th anniversary. Now I am not knocking her number of marriages. That's her business. But when did marriage become something you toss away? They are like an empty milk carton..."Well, this one's done, lets get another" I just have never looked at marriage that way. And I promise you, my marriage is far from perfect. But in all it's craziness, we make it work. We compromise.  We talk to each other. We confide in eachother. We laugh together. We cry together. And through it all, it works.

So maybe I am old fashioned, but maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Sleeping Single

Remember the old country song "Sleeping Single in a Double Bed"? That's what most of my married life has been. I live the life of the technically single mom. What is technically single,you ask? That means my husband is in prison so I am raising our 2 daughters on my own.

Anyway, being technically single is crazy sometimes. I love my husband with all my heart and he is my best friend. But sometimes you get lonely. Not that I would ever do anything, but it would be so easy to fall into that trap. Guys around that would love to give you all the attention you could want and/or need. The important thing is not to put yourself in the situation. Don't go out to bars with your real single girlfriends and go trolling for guys. There's nothing wrong with looking, but it's very easy to do more than look if you are with someone trying to hook-up herself.

So you keep yourself occupied and stay out of trouble, but most of all, you communicate. You tell the man in your life what you are thinking and feeling. That you are lonely. And it's okay to be angry at him. After all, it was a bad decision that put him there, right? But don't be too harsh. If he's any kind of a man, he already feels bad enough.

One thing women don't realize is how important letters are to an inmate. It is there only form of communication with the outside world. The phone call thing...not as accessable as they make it look on TV. so it's good to sit down and tell him what you are thinking or how your day went. Anyting to keep that piece of normalcy that they are indeed lacking. So, get your pen and paper ready and write that man.

It also keeps your relationship going. When he does come home, can you imagine how hard it would be to caome home months or years later and not know what's going on in your home? even if you decide not to stay with him, let him know how his kids are. That's only fair. And don't bad mouth him to the kids. If he is such a bad guy, they'll find that out on their own as they grow up.

And if you decide to start sleeping double again before he comes home, don't parade it in front of the kids. That's just mean and confusing and will cause nothing but problems. Sleeping single in a double bed is not for everyone...and it's something you have to decide on your own. Don't let anyone else decide it for you.